2012 March

I am settled into a life of no unusual thoughts . Celebrated my birthday with few grey hairs and truth worded cards ( even though flowery i believe in those words in card to be true..coz it says all good things about me :-).

Office (as for my designation) I have come to comprehend that is like a game of passing the parcel. Try to pass off the burden as soon as it reaches you. Do not apply your mind or think of solving issues if you don’t want to land in trouble and get out of work!.

Home is a place where I think I can relax and go into a zombie mode until the dust, dirt and piled up works tumble down to my sofa and I jerk up and start working like a robot. until some else tap the robot and put it into zombie mode!!!!.. Really when will I learn housekeeping, order and some routine.

Now the tiny thought nagging me is should I travel again or save up the money to buy gold as others advice? Did I gain anything from travel. Is it really important to travel. I don’t regret the tours I made or think whether they were necessary. It was always my dream and I am glad I did. The question is about future travel.

(of course i do have others doubts like whether i am bipolar.. but I don’t care about answer or the question.. it is u who should be worrying about giving me a name right?)

Recently I had fever and I felt very cold. So cold that I disliked the idea to die. So in 2012 i realize I don’t like to die and i am afraid of death. And I don’t like my immediate family being very happy without me to bother them. I realized long back that I am sadistic. ( but it always hurt when others pointed it out to me. Yes truth hurts).

Writing about death... it reminds me of Egypt. so much dead and dead bodies. A country build around dead? ( I don’t mean it.. just a way of talking). Visit to Egypt left me throbbing with doubts and questions that left me numb. I didn’t venture to find answers coz I felt foolish and believe that I will never admit the truth or tear out the web of theories I believe in. Its a waste of time.. Anyway u have to live & die and in between earn to eat.

I want to write a lovely summary of Egypt visit but the memory cobwebs of mummies are preventing me from writing about the swimming pool in the hotel or the old buildings thrusting upon us claiming to have a noble past blatant present. People and people everywhere. The beautiful neat Nile flowing down our gaze, white storks flying away gaily, rows of docked boats serving as restaurants, beautiful sight of couples hand in hand having a pleasant evening chat .. a sight which me think oh ! how sweet and then made me realize they may not have enough space at home.. Cairo - busy as bee . a brilliant past - a busy present - I couldn’t sense a future maybe my ignorance on G.K. ... Yes i visited during those turbulent time of blood shed and demonstrations ..people just waking from a long stupor.. yet i felt Egypt needs a strong shaking, a violent bloodshed .. a generation of rebellion to change. It was sort of like India.. from the roots to tips lazy in strategic planning but busy in operational area.. Proud about the long lost past but careless about present.

Alexandria was beautiful. A slight European touch. The flea markets replica of India.. Variety of Date palms. Hot sun - abnormal price tags - sweet smiled lies while shopping ..

I think I am not yet ready to write about Egypt.