Silence

This time back home I wanted to break the self imposed silence with my best friends. Circumstances forced me to observe that silence. Walking away from them without an explanation, never turning that side to see how they are feeling almost ten years passed by, All these ten years every single day i hoped they will forgive me, they will understand I was frightened. I thought i can go back any moment I wanted. It took me ten years to realize there was nothing to be frightened. There was nothing wrong or right. Age always have its way. I numbed myself not to think of their pain. How they must have felt. Absorbed in myself thinking my love would sustain the friendship I lived ten years. This time I forgave myself and muttered the courage to call them. Their response was a shock to me. No one was surprised at hearing my voice. They just asked me. "YES" “why did you call?" Have anything to say" We are busy" I didn’t know how to proceed. I didn’t know where to break in and apologize. I tried to ignore the long years of silence and talk normal. But I was served my own medicine. They all treated me as if they don’t want me anymore. As if they can’t be again bothered with me. As if I am a pest. I was shocked. I know the whole excitement of going home was my decision to reconnect. I was thrilled. But the response...in a way I felt happy. I was served my punishment. The long hiding is over. I got what I deserved. May be lesser.

I wish another ten years they might forgive me. Maybe we can be friends again. All those that had grown in between and over the friendship can be weeded out maybe one day i will be forgiven..