pearl

I dont know how to swim.so..nor to dive..but coming into this blog world or cyber world..i get a feeling of diving and finding a pearl or two..what a feeling!!..here in this world u dont see the physical self..it becomes irrelavant. you just see the mind..have we ever seen the mind or thought ..or feelings..they never had a form..so i thought till i reached this blog world. here (sometimes) i see what goes behind a person..when he smile what he thought..to know the other you..

when i stumble upon a new blog which stunns me..i feel like the diver who got a pearl.(these phone calls interrupt my thoughts)

really ..it would have been a good post..but that trace of thought is gone..another day.

i am sure there must be lot out there to be read. i am happy there is something to be look forward to. before i used to ask what these people do before the computer? how can one make a frnd without seeing? now i strated seeing a bit of light to those questions. still i get out from my pc. converse with the real world. but the problem with the real world is that they are in touch with the immediate reality. they realte/or try to associate with objective things..things which can be seen touched. they care about u and ur near and dear ones. i am not saying that its not important or its unappreciated. it just that in the real world there is no space to let out ur orginal thoughts.those orginal thoughts should take a definite shape before it can be released to the real world. and truthfully in real life so many things requires our attention that we tend to shut the little other thoughts..
so am i saying whats written here doesnot have any connection with reality or real world.. no thats not. just..its a space to think over..a preparatory ground, a pause..

then

theres a a lot of thinking going on..is there any action?? on all thoughts one cannot act right? and..i cannot solve the whole puzzle..we do our little in the real world. help a deserving one..sacrifice a bit for another..then do our work so those dependend on us is not in need of anything..i understand my limitations. i try to do my bit. teach near and dears to do the same. to act i think we shuld see the immediate probs.. WE may look into the large picture while thinking?

interested in astrology ?

Any one of you interested in astrology. One of my frnd is studying it. What she told abt me after looking into my chart was so accurate and correct that i was forced give some credit to astrology.

her blog http://notesonvedicastrology.blogspot.com/

Your thoughts and doubts are welcome. ( 2 her blog ok)

again simply..

sometimes i think i am full of hooks. i like to be a free bird..or animal..anything ..ok a free individual..but the moment i start flying ( it was better bird) i get hooked. i hang on there..forgetting my plan was to fly..i hang on so tight that finally i fall with a large thud.. :-) yea..then i lie in pain...forgetting i was about to fly. i lie so listlessly that i get bored to death..so again i spread my wings all set to fly....to get hooked...to fall down in pain...and to fly... ho.every thing goes in circle?? no wonder earth is round!! from nonexistence..to a worm/germ/ sprout/ to baby/ to man/ to earth /to worm??????


hmmmmmmmm

have you been in the middle of aliens? attending a party? no...hmm ..me too no..but sometimes i feel that way here..another language..another dressing..diffrent mannerism...and i am in middle..laughing when they laugh..eating when they eat..and dreaming when they talk...

most of the time they might be laughing at me...who knows???

but really now i know what it is to feel like a fool..maybe what it is to feel like a alien??


thennnnnnnn

u know boss on leave :-) yea..so whos the boss?? me!!!!oh! yea really.

then...

what a way to write?? no one will understand..but u know its my wish to see my thoughts apart..like u may say (what to say??!!) hmm ok leave it.

.........

the sea is calm..sky clear..let me once more spread my wings.

frnds

u know coming to this foreign land leaving behind everything i loved with just a promise of a new love i made a few frnds..to discuss what we left..to analyse present was worth..to look into the future together.

we used to meet happily , merrily..discussing nothing
we used to meet with kids stealing the show
we used to meet just to share a tea
now we meet with sickeness all around us

but let me be happy that still we meet.

silence?

isnt there a middle way??

sky

the sky..another fascination.it always make me think god has left it plain so he can paint his mood as he wish. like a clean board can be wiped.all the strokes we find it clear.may be he put it high ..so u just have to lift ur eyes and see his work.

i dont remember any of his other creation in which with a stroke he can change as he wish.that pure white sky..that deep blue sky..blue...what all shades of blue we find there.You just look up and u are entertained with arts..and what more it leaves space to exploit ur imagination. u can find all most all coloures there according to his mood..but not green..i think he has used up green in decorating the earth that hes in short of it..or he wanted sky paint to exclude green? or just fed up of using the same colour..anyways green and blue are his fvrt colur i think..so many shades of green and blue we find...blue and white combination..i think he prefers..and green and??? maybe green goes with almost all colours?
have i seen a flower thats blue like the sky..a sky blue flower??? i dont remember..
now our sea too blue..but like the green whichcomes new everyday blue is somewhat constant?? a blue back ground??sort of..yes shades of blue change..anyways..

let me say though sky has always captured my attention..its not till recently that the night sky fascinated me..night..i dont know maybe i was too busy with life to look up.. or was never alone to enjoy the show..it never striked any chord in me..till recently

late in night i was on the beach side trying to look far beyond the darkness just to be trafficed by the speed boats and yatchs and may be a ship..so i turned my eyes into the sky which was simply dark or black like a plain curtain.as my eyes were free it just roamed around the sky and faintly i saw a star twinkle. just for the fun of it i continued staring and to my surprise the sky was filled with stars and it was so beautiful. there are no words nor thoughts which i can explain my surprise for i was sure the sky was plain when i looked in.

like the daffodils which filled wordsworth mind in vacant and pensive mood the show of stars lifed mine and made me think a little more..
may be if we stare a little more..maybe if we wait a little more..maybe if we enjoy a little more..may be if we strive a little more ..maybe if we are patient..may be if we are persistent..
there is much more to life than we plainly see..

deeply deeply i searched
for something to strive upon
but sadly did i found it
dry and empty.

sure i was
that it was full
suddenly it dried
leaving me fret.

knowing its better
this way.
still yearning
for a little more

some thirst never die
the more u drink the more u need
.

oh in office

everyday to write something..i have thought...
what to write..
when each day is similar
when everthing is fine
what will one write upon

that boss of mine dominate my mind today.
with little work which i did on my owm
i hope i didnt tumble his ego down

however much i wish.
rashly do i act
just to get the thrill of
crying upon it.

now i spend my time
simply wondering
how he will react
on my impudence.

simply

today what i have read engulf me..leaving me moody. suddenly i feel lost. not sure of my steps. but i only let my thoughts wander..hmmm ok..



let me ponder a little more for just the fun of penning down.
whats wrong and whats right in this short span of life?
its the angle you view that matters is my view then and now.
what is pain and what is love , does it matter when u in blaze.
to be consumed by passion, to live for the moment,
to revel in memory,to be left hollow...
is it not worth in this short span of life.

every touch leave a mark, every one say a bye..
rarely some one squeeze the heart ,
leaving the pain as a gift
is it not worth in this short span of life..

pity those whose never knew
what its to give and never receive
to live in pain is not a bane
coz then u live, not simply fade.

having penned just for fun let me say granny knows whats right.

poor

i like abundence. and like all (most) i hate poverty. i like abundence ..coz it gives me freedom to select. it sets my mind free form attaining more. it gives me time to ponder over other things. it makes me confident of my steps.

and poverty i hate..poverty of words is the one i hate most. it shows my inability to acquire more. it shows i didnt care enough to collect more. it shows i have to do lots of hard work.

i simply love words. just like a painter loves his colours, a sculptor his work, a dancer his movements.. i love words..( though i dont come under writer category).
i like to read..to read those words..i like to ponder..those words..i carry it close to my heart and i sleep with it in my head.

i respect those good with their words. i envy them for their wealth. i am in awe of them. i try to associate with them in my heart.and yet i keep my distance coz i am poor.

i like all types of writing..the simple ones , the thought provoking ones, the romantic ones, the philosophical ones, the humorous ones, informative ones..everything i can say...

my mind and mood are modulated by what i read.i get carried away. till i take another to read i am suspended with thoughts of what i read before. some stays with me refusing to go away.then i make it part of me.

though i like all sorts my way of writing i may term mine as picasso style. a modern art. no one much understands. my thoughts unfiltered to writings...no grammer, no puntuation no adorns..just the way i think..i like it...simply like u like ur kids coz they are urs..i lke my writings..

my frnd reading my blog told..if u want ur readers to understand, appreciate and comment on ur blogs be more clear, specific and beutify it..it will be more communicative..it will help ur writing skills..

defensively i say..i dont write to entertain..i write coz i have to..i just want those thoughts out..i want to see them as words..if i pause to beuty, to moderate..( i cannot) it stops..i dont want others to appreciate my writing..i want them to see my thoughts..ponder over it..to see if any one else thinks the similar..i dont want to dress my thoughts..coz dress might steal the show.. ( i am poor i cant dress)

i admire and respect all who can dress their thoughts..present it well..reach to a large audience..

i am poor simply poor so i cant.

let me strive hard to dress my thoughts ..to present it nice ..to get a applause..

yes i yearn for it coz i am just human..

but till then let me just pen my thoughts..

silence

silence when misunderstood. silence when explained .silence ..when its clear. silence when nothing more to say..


silence..the only hide out.the only place to hide..to think..why..i always hit the the bee hive? why i always stir the calm? why i wont let it be? why? why? why? why i always open the mouth then feel it was better shut....


why the overflow when i could be silent..



but rarely do i find a equal to break my silence..but i always end up doubting whether it was worth....i think too much of myself..my frnd rightly told..



nothing more..let me get back to the normalcy that surround me..the mornings the night..

sun me

Its 'fall' here. from a country where there is only summer, monsoon and humid..these climate changes were looked forward to with a wonder.and fall is the best season of all...sometimes i feel so..usually my opinions vary..still its fall now and i like it this time of the year. summer is over and winter looming around.
The best part is getting up in the morning and seeing that sun has not risen. and when it slowly comes its a beautiful sight..sky blushing red and sun peeping out..and really sun is so red as it’s so conscious of being late..its such a beautiful sight and it lasts maybe fiveminutes..then the whole drama finishes and sun shines brightly making me aware to get ready. in summer i get up at the same time..but by then it will be flooded with sunlight as if its noon and i feel cheated..in winter it will be still dark when i get out of my house..and roads so dim...i feel elevated..then on my way i can see the skin turning red and finally when i reach office the sun comes out..i love those winters..that chill when i wait on the road..those dark skies..that cold breeze on my face , the shivering of my jaws..the numbness of my fingers..my frnds pity me for getting up early..most of the times i agree with them or keep quiet but heart of heart i am glad i have to get up early..what all i missed all these years when i woke up late..here there is nothing to obstruct me from viewing my sun and the sky..no distractions..the plain roads..bushes on its side..dusty buildings..the same old scenes..no new bird will suddenly come..no new flowers will catch my eyes..no children might run fast behind me..nothing between my sun and my sky..

back home..i used to get up early lazily..but once out i used to enjoy the greenary..and bit of sun..to catch a glimpse of sun thru all those trees were bit difficult..it was like hide and seek..once i see him red and the next turn he will be white and gleaming..then he is so proud..i stop looking..but those greenery compensated for all those..

sound of the birds..dogs, cats( whether they make sound in the morning i don’t remember) those new greens on the tip of the trees ..those flowers on the road..sometimes make me think its my welcome message..those sudden rains..the roads bussing with human life..it was a different life..i enjoyed it but i enjoy my present too..when u don’t have a choice just enjoy it...its more easy that way:-)

then..i dont like to see the sun set..sun set is ok..but the dramatic setting i don’t like..with the sky bleeding and the sun slipping down..it pains me just to watch..some uneasiness..but if i am on the way..i just cant help it..to see all those sorrows spread..it makes me think some good is coming to end..some phase of my life ending...

does it need a title?

what will i write today...nothing in particular..i chatted a lot..feel drained..one word keeps repeating in mind..actually one sentence . yes this also fom anothers blog..it just sticks unless i write it...ok so it was..will a tree make sound when it falls downn.. even if there is no one around to hear it..framed very nicely not like this..
why bother if it makes a sound or not if u are not there to hear?
sound u hear depends on how near or far you are?
tree bothers abt sound? it has to fall..it fell
did it make the sound?
cound came from creeking..tearing off ..or frm hitting the ground??

now u know i am really bored and have not much work..

anyways

will i write if i dont get comments..
i strtd it ..
wrote..
but when commnts came.. i was glad..

then...

does thoughts have gender?
or is it actions thats gender??

or gender defines action and thoughts?

there is just a generality...

or everone has 'unique ' trends

one shuld be always polite and agree?

calling spade a spade hurts?

yes it does.. i wuldnt want anyone to call me fool..coz it hurts to hear the truth.

words hurt?? yes it hurts more than anything..so one hasnt right to speak? yes one has.
where does one right stop and another begin?

is it better to be silent?

but then change u need..

constant only in death.

then

u live to die??

in a way yes..u live..if u are pious u believe to live carefully to good karma so that u die and u are free..and karmaless..

is that so? whole life tuned to death???

really..weird??

they say..live like u die next moment(?)

so if i die next moment may be next day or one week frm here..what things will i do?
what all will i arrange??

really me.. i am dying right why bother??

..i dont own anything..even if i..i die and the right terminates..
no one depend on me solely..even if they do...i die..no choice carry on..

ok its in realtion to others..what if i die what i want..never mind if had the means to achieve all those i want..why wait till i know i am going to die??

so even if i know i am going to die..i am just helpless..i am the same..maybe others if they know may shower me with love..( as they dont have to be bothered again wonderful)

oh my god really if u dont have any thing to write..just dont write ok.

why

why is it that i feel i need more work more respo. when i am free, leisurely sitting and getting my wages. why is it that i cant sit back and relax? why is it that suddenly when i am loaded with work i start complaning but have that too good feeling at heart. why is it that i love adventures when life is so pleasant and happy..

why is it that i keep on coming back to blogs even after i finish reading those..

why is that i always feel a looser when compared to my dreams..

why is that i never try to find answers but keep on asking.

why is it that i try to understand 'chandrayan' economic instabilty , and world affairs when i dont have enough knowledge of running a house?

why is it that i never write down what i think those 'unique' thoughts but try to identify with everyone thinking me too me too

why is that.....

thoughts on blogs

reading other blogs tempt me to write..as an extension of thoughts..maybe it serves as a prompt. comments columns are for acknowledgment, a pat or nod..but the thoughts that have arised shuld be put down...then another doubt ...will my blog end as an answering session...but then the blog has no definition nor does it have any restriction.

blogs an open space to shit and spit..others read it and say oh ! u also.never anywhere can we be so open in our protest, loud in our outburst and vulgar in our words.

blogs an open space to share and care. to say that me too! to get out of our blues..to get some frnds without gender , race and coluor..

blogs a place to understand we are just humans

obama -the president

common mans lament to america

yes..another historic moment.a coloured is going to lead a country that leads the world.some timing of history is just great. like a well written script.the financial breakdown, the world hostility .. a point where no one knows how to take one step further..yea we wanted a deviation..something to put our hope upon..something to lookforward to. i think obama is the answer. its correctly said that timing is everything.obama stood for elections at the correct time..there was no other answer. whether he can change is another question..but the world got a grip to hang on..

never ever i can reamember reading or hearing of a country so much hated. what once we looked upon as freedom was termed as a synonm for pure lies for selfish goals. world stood terrified as america went on without bothering an explanation.which country next to be axed..our way loong ?was the question in all thinking minds..

obama hope u give us a break!!!

hitler was hated but not germany. but the simple word america these days filled us with contempt ..made us defensless..made us doubt on powers of law..abt the world opinion..and u gave Bush another chance made us think the whole country had one mind..we felt like fools.


obama ..hope u will be able to put back our trusts.

we trusted u with our finance. we followed u with out questions ..and u let it fail.
how could you..was it not ur respo to keep it staight.. to make sure bubbles are not forming..didnt u have duty to the world. yet i havent read enough criticm on u!!

we forgive you and we wait hoping u will pick up and lead..learning from the mistakes u made ... spreading good will..yeaa we wait.

reading abt Obama the attraction i found in him is the fact he was a constitutional law professor for a long time. it must have given him a definite idea of the good and bad in it. his coloured father, his remarried mother..his lack of a normal happy childhood hope will make him human enough to understand a common man .let the trust the country put on him give him super powers to lead.

Obama.. we applaud and are happy that u won.