rain

yesterday it rained..there was thundering too..ho how much i was excited..to see those raindrop dancing on the floor..they too seemed so excited to touch the earth..ho it such a lovely scene..in this world where rains are rare its really a blessing just to see one.

i was so much overpowered with joy that i was at a loss as to how to enjoy. took a cup of tea and went out just to have that drizzles on my face. it was stormy..it was loud as if they were wild with joy.

as i cant paint , as i cant write i just went out and got myself wet.the breeze has turned wind and it was chilly ..my whole system shivered with the thrill of it. the whole way deserted me and the rain alone..ho..i understood how a common man enjoys .
i put my sandals into muddy water and let those cars splash over me.

i just looked to see why it stopped then i saw the rainbows shine.

hey u frnd u made my day with sreaming along with me..u screams made me sane..and we enjoyed the rainbow..you have brought the youthness back..you make me a youth again.

and u dear poet i really enjoyed ur poem on breeze.its a new of looking at it..ur words are sweet and simple.you make me look twice out to enjoy the simple pleasures of nature. you have that in you it to write..ur words are rhyming.pleasure to read.
u know me yet i remain unknown as u know only part of me.yes i am who u think i am and yet i am bit more than that.i look forward to the poet in u other things just fade away.

i dont want myself to be identified with my blogs. the thoughts in my blog and me are two diffrent things.why so??i am thinking..i am comfortable this way..i want my thoughts to be there with out physical self..my physical self has a diffrent role to play in this world..and i dont want my thoughts to squeezed and into the me. i want the two of us apart. i want to look at my thoughts as a third party..and want u also do the same. why dont i keep the block restricted?? i want anyone intersted to have a look at them..to see if anyone care to respond..to see if those words strike a chord in any hearts. the physical me would like to have comments and appreciation..i write for my own fun..and i would like it be kept away from the smallness of my real life..hmm let us see how it turns out

habits

they say ( i think they say) that man is a sum total of all his habits. knowingly or unknowingly we tend to get addicted to some habits..from brushing ur teeth in the morning to smoking and drinking i may say can be termed as routine or habits.i am so much against this. i don't like to be ruled by habits or routines. i don't like my days to be similar.there is little i can change in my day to day life..and i am the lazy one who doesn't initiate much. but i see that there is no fixed routine in my house. in my life. it depends on my mood. i dont need morning tea.there no fixed routines which if broken will spoil my day.some might call me lazy, unorganised..but what s the fun if all things are preplanned..u miss the hurry burry( whats that?) tension.

i admire people who think different. i admire those who fix to their routines. i admire those hardworking ones.yea..i admire all of u for ur different qualities.but there are some towards whom i look with a pity..those are the ones who cannot break free.. they are addicted..from a simple tea to the cigarette and alchohol they are addicted. they have have everything else..superiority of thought..( what else??/) any ways they are just slaves. their ability to think and argue make them and other believe that this simple slavery is their superiority. they look down on those who got Free from this addiction..they think they defy the world and its effort by choosing to be slave. they think its their choice to be addicted.to be mere slaves to alchohol and ciggarates..shame on.. to think u r diffrent!!!to think u can break free but u dont want to...

ok then if u can break free..

silence

when some people are special in your life you want to give them special treatment.and in some circumstances you are prevented from showing your affection publicly.Though i cannot enumerate on the cicumstances or the reasaon for privacy there are some instances when i felt a need to show them that i care without being vocal abt it. the mode i chose was silence. and only with them i am silent. thats special right..according to my weird sense of reasoning it is. but will they ever understand. i know they must have searched the reason for my silence. they must have intepretted it in their own ways. but have they once realised that silence is full of frndship, love, memories and special regards for them.

certain circumstances force us to act strange. but we have no choice but to act..still heart of heart we hope those who know us would understand that there was no choice.

trusting upon all those good times we spent together i hope one day i might break my silence and explain.. (explain what? how???)will they listen then? will they still care? the pain i gave could be erased?

wish you all good luck whever you are and what ever yo do .

motivation

I have been busy reading THREE Musketeers. I HAVE READ THE ABRIDGED VERSION WHEN I WAS SMALL.some how i never liked stories written from a french backgroud. it was difficult for me to fathom their culture and those names seemed so strange.After my visit to France i think i am more at ease with them.Anyways. this great book had me seated till its end. i have lost the sense of place and time. i'm still in that era which seems each day was an aventure.but still i could not miss the poverty, reslesness, unemployment of that era..which makes me to think world has not changed much since. :-)
but i doubt if men would go to such extremes for a womens love???in this era i meant. love also has become a conveinent mode product..there might be exception. but i am sure the general trend is not in favour of love. but in that man has lost his deep reverence for god, king or women :-) .What is the motive that drive our youth today? What is it that they look upon in life. i am not talking abt the extremists. i am just pondering or wondering about the general people. or all thru history the general people just flew with life? i have never met a person with a extraordinary ambition. everyone strives to do bit better in life. get a good position bit of more money and a retirement plan. thats the end of it. but what do i expect? that all men invent something? conquer the world? run around wild???

i have a week end to look forward to. i hope i relish the seconds before i let it pass thru me.

i would love if u could share ur ambitions.

blogs

those blogs which i read are really great. its better than reading a novel or a story book.you never get to meet the characters in the novel..we dont know whether its imagination or real life situations..we are left with a yearning to know more abt their life. in reading blogs we know the characters are real. its like reading a persons diary..you get a glimpse of their life, their thoughts. and whats so surprising is sooo many thinks alike.( which i always thought was my unique thoughts)
the problems we face are so much similar and the way we react have also a bit of similarity. but the circumstances in which we go thru the probs are different. its like same issue being tested in diffrent atmosphere. i think in the future, blogs will be looked upon as a resource to history.it reflects the life of people. its the life itself. never in history men got such a chance for opening up. earlier it was thru letters and novels we came to know the life style of the people . now just read a blog. its a way of opening up, reaching out sharing..the world is just a finger tip away.and the best thing is its easy to disappear too..

today i got compliments..and i was surprised. coz i didnt do anything to deserve them.if keeping silent means you are wise and intellect i am both. no wonder the people with whom i am frndly think me as a fool and "just a smile " section adore me.

in this part world expects my lot to be calm , quiet and silent. then we are given the title good and respectable.if we say hi, hello and smile they think we are abt to catch them or even matrimony or sex is in our mind. how stupid!! is there nothing called intellectual frndship of course with a bit of flirting if u want to say so..

thats one thing i miss...to discuss abt my books, my views, to update my thinkings , to argue on my version of things...

life has become so repetative with the same problems and same sort of happiness. even travellng has lost its charm as one is supposed to enjoy it quitely with out exploring.

i think or rather would like to think..an artist is the most blessed person in this life. when he sees beuty he can capture it in his canvas or may be create a tune to let out his joy or dance to express himself or write it poetically so others also can enjoy. the artist is capable of enjoying beauty and at the same time he has the ability to capture it and transfer it to others .

how a common man who lack these faculties enjoy nature? he just see..and has to come back taking a faint memory of it. dont u think its a bit unfare??

one of my blog acquaintence has published a book. she says if u dream and work hard u will acheive. i have heard that inspiring words before. and so many times it has inspired me. now my way of thinking has gone further ahead . i think is it worth acheiving? what happens after it. it will also fade. then? new wish? another journey to reach there? can i take along my partners through out this jouney? what if their wish is something else..isnt better to be quiet and contend.

then i was wondering to how different people react to the similar situations. for some one the death of their near ones is a step forward in life. for me facing a near death situation taught me to slow down and enjoy the little pleasures of life.

but now i am re thinking..i am yearning for more action..i am thinking that i am wasting out my life..all those investments in me had gone wasted. yet i am in a confusion as to where to start what to acheive. then again ..just to do the immediate things i lag. do i have it in me to go ahead? to where??

history and common man

when ever i read history, i used to wonder how it affected the common people. did they knew how impt one day that event will be. did they realise they are becoming a part of history..and i use to wonder how our times will be recorded. what will be the most impt issue that stand out.
As a common person whose life revolve around four meals a day and weekends i would like to ponder over the current world situation.

The one event that got engraved in my mind was killing of saddam. how all the rules and laws were kept aside and a country was torn into piceas. THE INTERNANATIONAL LAWS and rules were mocked of. that incident in my mind created an impression that hitler and germany could happen again. the whole world just kept quite to something it knew was not right. we use to think ooo its not possible for that to happen. but in this world anything is possible.

i think even the common man was aware of the unreasonable meddling of a superior state with another. there were rumours. i heard people talking abt it. it didnt matter whether they were literate or not..whether they were house wifes, beggers or a traveller.it didnt matter that their opinions didnt count..but they talked. they speculated and watched...and stood helpless witnessing the end. it was black day in the history.i am sure it will be recorded as a black day in the history of international law and principles.

now we are reading abt financial crisis.it was a thing thing i believed impossible. such a big economy crumble?? is it possible?
while visiting my native place i was shocked to hear the exorbitant price hike in real estate. then i remembered my economy class. after acheivng the optimum the curve has to decline. yes it cannot go further . and in my mind i was waiting to see how it will decline..of course there should be a limit right? and the way gas prices are increasing..the gulf countries dosent even know what to do with the excess money..now i have seen the melting of the economy. so this is how it is right???

so this financial crisis will be another lesson in history. i
am waiting to see the world impact .great i am living in a historical time. :-)

time

my frnd has blogged abt time.
knowing time and its value we let it pass by us.
counting each day out.waiting for the weekends.
it was always a wait.
wait for the next thing.
as time cannot pause whats the use of wishing for.
as time cannot reverse whats the use of looking back.
with time we sail expecting the truth any second.
after the ultimate truth what it is?
time we have is the preparation of time beyond truth
is it so ? is it so?
no harm being prepared right?
better be prepared and loose the game?

wasting time is wasting life.. so truly said..what alas to be done..i let it flow by me.calmly watching the scenario.

.......lots of thoughts tumbled up..to straighten u need time. but is it worth the struggle is my quest.

thinking back make me think enjoying life is all that matter

the journey matters not the destination. does it matter how u travelled? how much u collected or how much you enjoyed??

questions questions easy to ask..answers answers inside you..so many so many inside you.the one you choose the defines ur life that s the simple truth of it.

dreams

reading my blog reveals my thoughts. nothing there..just listlessly going on. to write u shuld feel passionate abt someting.or atleast interested enough to impart your opinion.in this calm flow of life there is only gentle breeze. no pebbles thrown by any to stir a wave. i should consider myself blessed then. but under this calm flow lies so much its better not to stir. let the sleeping dogs lie.

i have realised something recently. i was searching what was the change in me. now i understood . my dreams have died. it was not a sudden or tragic death. it died so naturally that i didnt even come to know abt it.once those dreams were gone i feel calm. as if there is no needd to exert anymore. i dont look into the future. there is nothing to look forward to. maybe death.how it will be when it will be.but then as i am not in control of it.why waste time meditating on it. yes thats my point.if i cant change it why brood upon it. that realisation was one of the ailments of my dream. i started realising i cant change much.

now my world is small. i am circled into a few thoughts. my wishes are few. health wealth, good ness to my near and dear ones and a happy life. but life is a struggle to acheive this small wish.

earlier i wanted to be so many.. a movie critique ,a person fighting for all injustice , a scholar who will make a diffrence in the world. i dreamed of fame and name. i dreamed of changing the world. i dreamed of my opinions creating a ripple in the world. i dreamed of my efforts being fruitful and the world being a better place for it.

those days i used to think everyone had dreams. everyone wanted to clim high. life was one for climbing. now i feel its one for floating..is it??

now i accept things. believe that nothing cant be changed and i am a nobody. the most impt realisation and the hurting was the one knowing i am useless too.

my frnds and family had high hope on me.one by one i ditched them all.
without even saying a bye i left my frnds. that was the only way i could part. with out giving reasons i fail to live upto my families expectations. and now in life i have resigned myself as a failure.

but i am happy.in my own way. i am in peace with myself. thankful to god for the blessings i have. when i see the pain around me i realaise i am gods fvrt in all sense.

people say meaning of life is finding the inner calm. maybe i have not mastered it but i am on its beach enjoying a bath..

r u all happy with your life ?
are you living your dreams?
did life turn out the way u wanted?

or as my frnd wrote..with out understanding urself , without probing too much u are also living simply?

nothing to do

there is not much work in office these days. and at home also its sort of dull.not much happening. i am putting on weight these days. but its hard to control food.and the fact that i am not moving around much also helps in weight gain. recently i saw some of my frnds snaps.they look exactly the same maybe younger . time has not touched them much and their face still has the glow and excitement of the youth . and their body has not stored laziness in the form of fat.no way i can relateto them as my class mates. how i have changed..but there was not much option. and no will to fight off those fat blABS.

in collage we had written something on how nice it would be to have wings. but now i am sure even if we had wings we wouldnt be using it much. just like we dont use our legs to walk or move our body to work..the wings would have been useless. and if some one uses it..then also how awkward the sky will look ..as such the earth is full of human beings and traffic everywhere.its only the sky towards which we can gaze and day dream of or let off the stream..good we dont have wings


i think i belong to the cow category..there is never a moment my mouth is free.its always chewing.earlier it was the mind which was busy brewing with thoughts . now it has gone to sleep like a polar bear. one day it might wake up..till then my mouth is busy keeping the system cozy.

i think romance and creativity go hand in hand..if not romance then u should in love..further thinking it can be in love with any thing..with your work,or in general with your life..i have to admit the truth that i fallen out of love.

work calling...