dreams

reading my blog reveals my thoughts. nothing there..just listlessly going on. to write u shuld feel passionate abt someting.or atleast interested enough to impart your opinion.in this calm flow of life there is only gentle breeze. no pebbles thrown by any to stir a wave. i should consider myself blessed then. but under this calm flow lies so much its better not to stir. let the sleeping dogs lie.

i have realised something recently. i was searching what was the change in me. now i understood . my dreams have died. it was not a sudden or tragic death. it died so naturally that i didnt even come to know abt it.once those dreams were gone i feel calm. as if there is no needd to exert anymore. i dont look into the future. there is nothing to look forward to. maybe death.how it will be when it will be.but then as i am not in control of it.why waste time meditating on it. yes thats my point.if i cant change it why brood upon it. that realisation was one of the ailments of my dream. i started realising i cant change much.

now my world is small. i am circled into a few thoughts. my wishes are few. health wealth, good ness to my near and dear ones and a happy life. but life is a struggle to acheive this small wish.

earlier i wanted to be so many.. a movie critique ,a person fighting for all injustice , a scholar who will make a diffrence in the world. i dreamed of fame and name. i dreamed of changing the world. i dreamed of my opinions creating a ripple in the world. i dreamed of my efforts being fruitful and the world being a better place for it.

those days i used to think everyone had dreams. everyone wanted to clim high. life was one for climbing. now i feel its one for floating..is it??

now i accept things. believe that nothing cant be changed and i am a nobody. the most impt realisation and the hurting was the one knowing i am useless too.

my frnds and family had high hope on me.one by one i ditched them all.
without even saying a bye i left my frnds. that was the only way i could part. with out giving reasons i fail to live upto my families expectations. and now in life i have resigned myself as a failure.

but i am happy.in my own way. i am in peace with myself. thankful to god for the blessings i have. when i see the pain around me i realaise i am gods fvrt in all sense.

people say meaning of life is finding the inner calm. maybe i have not mastered it but i am on its beach enjoying a bath..

r u all happy with your life ?
are you living your dreams?
did life turn out the way u wanted?

or as my frnd wrote..with out understanding urself , without probing too much u are also living simply?